Two Decades and One Year, The Specialness of One (P.2)

Day 82 of 366

RECAP:

Daughter’s Concert (Toronto: Danforth Music Hall – 3.8.16)

One thing that excited me the most was Daughter’s concert – at first, I almost didn’t end up going. I felt as though the universe literally force me to go, considering I asked the universe “if it was meant to be, I’d be able to go!” (weird as I am, it’s true.)

I found out quite late about the concert (happened March 7-8; figured out February) so I was a bit sad that it was sold out. So I decided I’ll pass considering someone try to sell me tickets for overprice! I decided I wouldn’t go. It wasn’t until the day of the first concert that I spontaneously and “crazy”; I decided, I WILL GO SEE DAUGHTER!

I found ticket for the next night, and… the next day, I went! I came 2 hours early, don’t ask me why. I was excited but also I didn’t know what to expect. I was kind of bummed because I couldn’t bring in my DSLR. I planned on taking some bomb shots of Daughter but the security were strict. HAHA, my phone was just as good, jokes on them! (so I thought)

I got inside and I got the very front, up close and personal with them! I made some new friends (2 ladies) that night. It was funny because one of them was beside me in line but we didn’t end up talking until randomly as we waited for the band to play. (I was also blessed to have met them cause I needed to pee… and my spot would be taken if I didn’t, so thank you ladies + the universe <3)

It finally started and my goodness, I was so amped and nervous… I realize that they were setting up, not knowing at the time completely that Elena (the lead singer) would be in front of me – Her bass.. HER BASS, I just wanted to grab it and run. (joke, kind of)

Finally, they came out and then I fell in love. I mean I was in love originally with their music, their music has always gotten me through hell. Being there felt like I was being completed and affirmed. That their music that I listen to while broken, mended my wounds that I couldn’t express on my own. I almost got kicked out four times for... putting my phone on the stage and recording, like seriously? LOL

We were caught in a state of awe, melancholic bliss I would call it; I was intensely thinking to myself while starring at Elena and the band how amazing it was to see them in such a state, they were so intense in present moment. I admire it so much how in sync with the sound of the precious flow of the music. I thought to myself, how masterful they are - captivatingly mesmerizing everybody in the room with their energy. It was so beautiful. I thought to myself, I want that so badly… Thinking about the person I wanted to become. I wanted to be masterful at something, I wanted to mesmerize people. I wanted that passion that Daughter had when they played music that touched the soul of many painful memories that all of these people had in their hearts, mind and souls.

The best part I felt was after every performance, I would wait for Elena to get off her state, to return back to reality, she was a shy and timid but kind spirit. You could barely hear her speak into the mic. I shouted “WILL YOU MARRY ME?!” LOL yup. It was adorable, she was adorable.

After the show, I was so excited, I almost left 3 times, but I wanted to stay I wanted to see them. So I stayed. I finally had the chance, to see them. I didn’t know what to say, but I did it anyway. (although I had so much to say) after 2 hours, I’m glad I stayed. I got to meet Daughter, and Elena especially. I knew they were just as human as I was, but damn, was I star struck at their ability to do such beautiful things.

I went home, fulfilled…

I just knew that listening to Daughter will never be the same ever again… 


For all the words I couldn't say in the moment:
Thank you for speaking on behalf of my torn soul, thank you on taking me on this melancholic journey and making such beautiful music. For all the awkward people who have kind and amazing spirits. You inspire us all. <3

Thank you Daughter. I will greatly remember this special birthday. 

Two Decades and One Year, The Specialness of One (P.1)

Day 82 of 366:

RECAP of my birthday week! (BEST BIRTHDAY EVER)

(March 3^rd): As I was wondering how to spend my birthday, after many birthdays feeling unfulfilled, after many years of feeling depressed every single birthday since I was very young. I wanted this year to be different, I wanted to be genuinely happy this year for my birthday. I wanted to last, and be engrained into my heart.

It’s truly funny sometimes how the universe sometimes just drops things in front of your door step, asking if you would like to take it. I would just like to say, my birthday week was by far the best out of all of my birthdays.

The morning of my birthday I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do… I realized wanted to do something crazy, I wanted to jump in the snow with my shorts to start my crazy day and do new things I haven’t done (which we’ll get to in a minute!)  

I had the pleasure of being on break from school (intersession), for my birthday (March 3^rd) I spend time with my friend, we skated and may I add we had the whole skating rink to ourselves, it was snowing (I love snow) the weather was perfect, not too cold, windy. So the snowflakes looked majestic as we skated. We had conversations about weird and spiritual matters and we laid in the snow! Fell so many times, while she hasn't fallen once - to my nimble foot guardian angel. :)

At night, I got to spend the most precious time with my best friend, she and I went on to be detectives! Literally, we went to an Escape Room – they basically lock you in a room to solve a challenging puzzle and every room has a theme, the objective is to go through all the clues, figure out the puzzle to get access to the key or password that will unlock the door. Our theme was figuring out the murderer and getting the passcode! It was absolutely fun roleplaying, my friend was terrified of the idea of fake blood and the saw type music. But it was fun, being locked in a room with my favorite person.

Although we didn’t figure it out (we had help) it was the best time in there, we made many great inside jokes and had fun with each other being silly. (especially me) We then went off to paint (for the first time since kindergarten) I mean we loved it, it felt really enjoyable just feeling like a big sized kid again (meaning I wasn’t the best at painting) so it felt really nice to get creative. Added, it’s a great place to for couples. (Just in case you want some ideas!)

Ended the night with a sweet goodbye! (March 3^rd complete)

Just a little reminder #1

Here I am,

I found myself sitting down and attempting to write a blog, out of the compliments of how I feel today, quite well. It's days like these, the most inspiring are in facets of how an individual's life goes, especially down to the intricate moment that stimulate our being to feel, think and to act in a certain way. Entirely our reaction to the moment at hand is what determines where our life leads...

I guess the real challenging part is actually sitting down, and doing things you don't really want to do. Right now as I write this, I feel like I want to do this very thing, but say tomorrow, am I going to write something? Probably not, perhaps it's the need to talk about something, the need to express. Perhaps that's what I needed, to get away from the idea of school, people, responsibility, etc. I mean it may not be a good thing, but the fact that I know that external factors are the case, I can work towards understanding it, start making a move towards it, of course.

It's not easy, your greatest opponent is the mere resistance, as if the external resistance was the only problem, the biggest one had to be the internal resistance. One's capacity to act even when external resistance kicks in. Being double-teamed by the big bad twin resistance isn't easy.
People often say that your biggest enemy is yourself, that's true. Self-doubt can be like a bomb, a self-destructive bomb that will blow up the path to what you really want if you let it.

But, what really get me all revved up being able to have time for myself, being able to do things I wanted, when I allowed school to dictate that, I wasted a lot of time, NOT knowing what to do with my time. I guess in the end, I should know what exactly I want to do.

I wanted to mention one of my dear friend, Brenda Vasquez. I've known her quite awhile now, we've been through quite a bit together and we were very supportive of one another. She's honestly such a down to earth person, she's wonderful. So when I recently seen the work, the motivation and the way she lives her life, she started to remind me what I've always wanted, to have a reason to be myself. She and her friend decided to start up a website based on their passion, and their passion burns and warms me. I love it, I want to support them because seeing the girl who grew up to be the woman she is now, how can I not? I am happy. Happy for her, that I was a part of that growth within her.

We've complained together, laughed together, now I want to be able to change the world together.

Sometimes, all it is is having the courage to do the things that matter, not just to you, but for others...
in the end, it DOES matter.

"May the universe grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

- Reinhold Niebuhr (modified from the original)

Aspiration, Inspiration and Expiration - (Part 3 of 3: Expiration)

'Aspiration, Inspiration, and Expiration' 

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“The universe, I'd learned, was never, ever kidding. It would take whatever it wanted and it would never give it back.”

 (Cheryl Strayed:Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail)

-

The universe does not joke around when it comes to YOU. Why? because you are the goddamn universe. You better believe it, you're a part of this as much as anybody else - running away is inevitable, life itself, is an inevitable journey. 

What if, this was an escape from the true reality? That all of this, this crazy world is our dreamscape? Would you be happy with it? Well if not, too bad, you live in it. 

With that said, I wanted to mention this quote I posted earlier in the year:

"Some people look for a beautiful place, others make a place beautiful." 

Now I think that's truly wonderful... Why? because even with all the craze and negative perspective that people, media, and your own prejudice  of your own ego; whatever they or it feeds you, their all stigmatic and bias.  Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, to risk the chance of learning what especially is out there, even if sometimes you don't know what's out there. You will soon after  you do it. 

Now for that oddly stated introduction, I just wanted to say, hey, yes hey that it's been absolutely expirational in terms of how long I've been putting off this post. Yes, I hate myself. But I guess it's the best time as any? after all, it goes with the theme. Being late, and expiration. So hey, I'm not so hopeless after all! 

For all things wonderful and positive, I just wanted to say, my life has been totally and utterly wonderful in terms of how filled things have been lately. Although my family has been, well always the same, I can't say it hasn't gotten worse, I mean it's gotten better. I just hope it lasts and improves over the course, or god sakes, I will find a way to find my introverted butt out of this toxic place you call "home" - But of course, there's no place like home and home is where the heart is at. So I can't say I don't try... 

As to where my presence and focus has been for the past ... well months, I've just been reflecting, questioning, and well... more questioning. That I slowly understood, questioning was the problem, too many questions that I couldn't solve, at least not yet. 

School... don't you just hate that word? Well, with school just around the corner, you can't help but wonder, what the hell is going to happen, how or what will this be like? You start to contemplate all the things that completely don't even matter until you brought it up. Like who's gonna be your friend or how you're gonna feel. No shutup, you're not there to socialize or to be the coolest kid there in the corner. You're there with a purpose, to learn, to get somewhere in life. Yup, that's right. It ain't highschool where you get to be the most cool and get away with shit. This is real life knocking on your door son/daughter. Believe it, this ain't Naruto, but you best believe it!

Yeah, that's how scary it may seem. Entering a new chapter is like entering a cave, not knowing where this cave will lead, or what kind of freakish mutant ninja turtle is gonna jump out and grab your bum. But truthfully, I made a decision in my life that I thought would end terribly, why? because it was a quick and honest decision I had to make with myself when deciding what college and what program I would be going to for the first time. And man, was it a bumpy and reactive ride, and when I say reactive, I mean unprepared and seriously fate striking reactive. Be free flowing, but be proactive. It will save your life. (thank god for my back up): Reason why I say that is because my backup became my decision. 

Yes, I must say, sometimes you just have to trust your decision with a hint of risk taking. Why? because sometimes you never know the outcome. Life is a gamble, really it is. No, it doesn't mean gamble your life away, it means take risks in order to gain progress. At times you'll move up two steps, but fall down three, another day you'll gain seven and move back six. But believe me, progress takes patience, and when you have patience, you have time. - And that's what I did, I waited out for the good moments, the rewards or opportunities that following. And I took whatever I felt would be good for me. Which all lead me to the first orientation, the information was wondrous! I walked into the school filled with nervousness, thinking I couldn't possibly make friends that day. But luckily I was just being myself. Quiet, listened and questioned. Guess what? I stood out more than I thought I did. I pushed myself, just a bit, and I ended up being invited to a Leadership Camp, from starting from no opportunity to many. That small effort lead to results I thought I could never have had achieved. 

- 

When I say achieve I mean really achieve, by personal experience, I would have never done the things I've done, and I couldn't have done it alone. Without the aspiration and inspiration, there wouldn't be me here today, in this current place and time. I opened up, and spoke in front of 100 plus people. Man, that's crazy, especially to me... 

You can never allow the time to pass, or the opportunity to fly, you never know the rarity of it until it's gone, wishing you could of had it back. Expiration? that's the most important thing to remember, don't let your important chance to change in life expire. But do let your disappoint expire, because those are the things you need to let go of, the disappointments. 

Potential, it's all you. You're the decider, the artist. So start painting your vision...

"Don't let your dreams just be dreams!" 

Aspiration, Inspiration and Expiration - (Part 2 of 3: Inspiration)

'Aspiration, Inspiration, and Expiration' 

Quite awhile now, I've always thought inspiration came from the people of the world that inspired many with their amazing stories; people who lit up the eyes of many, people who touched the heart and souls of the audience with such awe. I've always wanted to be that person, the person who could touch the hearts of many with comforting words, mend the pain and questions that lingered. But of course, how could I do so with so many temperamental issues that I, myself couldn't even figure out with such frustration. 

For many years I have been dealing with the same ol' problems, same ol' arguments with myself and with family, friends and people of all areas of life. Slowly, I started to lose inspiration, slowly I started to doubt myself. - That's the worse thing you could ever do, the lost of inspiration and trust in our own hearts, the truth should belong to us, to remained lit with awe.

I've always told myself; to inspire the world, you must learn to inspire yourself. And for awhile I thought that inspiring myself through endless contemplation and thinking over and over again, that it would help motivate me. That at some point in my life, I would get up and do it. But of course, with thought, takes physical effort. Many times I've tried, for many I've always thought motivation was the key to inspiration.

After awhile, I was contradicting my own efforts to try harder than I should, to push through when needed. After reading articles after articles and still not being able to take action, I wanted answers, I've asked the all mighty universe for help, but of course, it was solely answered. It takes action to realize satisfaction, to realize that discipline will allow such constant inspiration to sink in.

Realizing such ideas came from a place of spiritual advisement. I was invited to my favourite place to be, the temple. Most people would question my idea of places to favourite, but believe me, this place feels like home to me. My family, my spiritual family who seek the truth in all religions, all creeds, and all truths. We do not discriminate, we do not push away, we welcome with open arms. It took me awhile to find a home like this, but now that I've found it, it's apart of my inspiration to take action.

With such introduction to such a place, the answers that came to me acted as inspiration as a figure of reminder, sometimes inspirations comes in pieces of reminder, pieces of reassurance that you're on the right path to your sole purpose in life. Leading such a mission alone, you're never truly alone. Inspiration comes from the peers that support you through such dark times, inspiration comes from the unconditional love of others willing to help, to share and to love. It's a way in which we learn.

From experience, I realize, always seek inspiration - every time of every day, seek inspiration. Seek it wherever your heart finds it, even if its from your cat, your dog, talking to yourself, going for walks or starring at the bright moon, the peers of your life, the stories in which you read. FIND IT, and love it. captivate it with such awe and appreciation for such wisdom.

Inspiration isn't constant if you stand in one place, if you run with it, swiftly flow with it, then, inspiration is constant.

Change is always required for inspiration, inspiration is required for change. 

Aspiration, Inspiration and Expiration - (Part 1 of 3: Aspiration)

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'Aspiration, Inspiration, and Expiration' 

This entry is dedicated to all who seeks the understanding of their own life through mutual understanding...

Blogger's note: 

Greetings, although I may have been busy achieving many things in life, 

such as the achieving the 'starring at life blankly' award (sarcasm btw!), figuring out my life, realizing many things as to what my next steps are, and meeting many figures in life that continue to both aspire and inspire me through hard times in life. It's all very amazing, my journey is starting to feel all too real, finally... 

The moment that brings and reminds my heart and soul;

 my wondrous curiosity and joy of my playful heart is returning home... 

 

Some of these questions were meant to provoke the very inner being and aspiration in all of us. 

So take the time to stop and think, as you stop and contemplate on something rather important, remember all the feelings and thoughts that ponder your sub-conscious wonderland. 

 Part One

Aspiration:

 How many of us had a dream? Something we wanted to fulfill or thought of change? 

Many of us understand that the hardest things in life are the one's we have to work for. Many of us understand that everything in life is given and gotten through effort alone. 

But how much effort is needed in order to achieve our dreams? 

I say  

'above and beyond your misconception alone.'

  "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill

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Someone important once told me, 

"everything in this world, everything you see in this very moment; past, present and future all around you, all of which you perceive is made of an idea, a thought, or an intention. Everything is intention; what we think and believe and what we do shapes the way life is shaped. 

Whatever we create in our mind, has the potential to be shaped into reality."

 -

As the aspiring comedian and actor, Jim Carrey would put it, 

"It's our intention, intention is everything. Nothing is ever accomplished without intention."

With that being said, 

many things in our lives seem very complicated to achieve, maybe we're not good enough, maybe we were never good enough. Who am I to be? 

We come to an age where society's stigmatizes towards individuals' dreams of abnormality - many of our passions are frown as unrealistic or unachievable; we're told we can do anything, we can do whatever makes us happy, but then when we hit teenage years, we're told that we should be realistic, be a something that the world needs. 

Well, what does the world need? 

People who don't believe their full potentials and follow what society expects of them?

or, people who go above and beyond that potential and beyond all expectations?  

We live in a world that perpetuates the very ideas that make us unhappy at times, 

if we're not happy we become depressed and unsatisfied with life and give up on our dreams entirely.

Truth is, all there will ever be of our dreams are the ones in our heads, the ones who make their dreams come true, are the ones who chase it, create it, and share it.

 No matter what we do, we're never satisfied, throw away that comparative process of comparing yourself to the world, compare yourself to your own expectations, your world is what makes reality real. If we can turn a "my" mentality into a "our" mentality - aspiration would be our embodiment of external reality.

Something I've said once before - "I wish to turn"my" internal reality into "our" external reality." Because again, this world and universe was not meant for a "me" mentality, but a "we" mentality.

 We are oneness, we share the same happiness and sadness, why not share the love and experience we all embody? 

Change what you cannot accept and accept what you cannot change.

The world is waiting for the generation of change, so what will you do? Wait for the world to change, or take that first step of your own inner change?

Your wonderland is everything.

- 

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." - Lao-Tzu

Something to think about:

"What aspires you to achieve your dreams? Is it your family? Your friends? The people of the world? Whatever your reasons may be, find it, most importantly that comes from within, your own inner-self. Find your dreams within yourself and you will find the reason for why you try.

Key: Optimism and perspective will enable larger understanding of perception.

Closed Doors, Open Mind, New Chapters

 Inspirational Note:

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Too often we think that when something ends, it's completely over, and that's it. 

But big ups! It's just the beginning, every end has a beginning, every beginning has an end.When a door closes another one flies open.

Too often people dwell in the past hoping that things will change, and that things will change on it's own. Nothing in life changes without some sort of effort.

"Life without a cause is a life without effect." - Paulo Coelho (Novel: Aleph)

Let's all just take this time of moment to just take in all the changes that this world is currently experiencing; in others' lives, and most importantly our own lives. Take in that the world is changing, negatively and positively like life was meant to. Take the moment to understand that time is only an illusion, don't worry about how much time you once had, and how much time you do have. Think about all of which you accomplished in such time, and create a master-plan on exceeding it. Take the time to realize that everything, including all the pain and suffering we've all have to endure was completely essential for our growth, the same as the laughter and love we all share with our fellow people and life itself.

When we close a chapter, another one opens and a new story is told... Live your life as if it were a story, write the introduction, the conflicts and the solutions to all aspects of your life and become the character you set out to create. Be the magic of  your own imagination and creativity, live life as if you were once a child again, dream as if you were in an entirely new world and love like you never loved before. 

Take the time to stop and think, to grab a hold of your thoughts and your feelings, express it, share it with someone dear, scream whenever you're upset. Let it all go, lose control and regain it all back again.  Fall down 7 times, get back 8, we get back up because we know we deserve more, to learn and to grow and to strive like no other. Keep your head up, 2015 is only the beginning.

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." - Randy Pausch

2015, Bring it On.